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Saturday, 07 November 2009

  • An Addendum...

    After yesterday's post I feel that I need to add an addendum.  I know some wonderful people, and even have a couple of friends, who have home births or who refuse any sort of medication when in the hospital.  And I'm so glad that their bodies are able to accommodate their desires in that department!  I count myself blessed in that I have never thought of the delivery issue as a big deal, until hard decisions needed to be made regarding the deliveries of our children.  At which point I was shocked at the number of extremely strong opinions I got on the subject.  I had never realized that people were so passionate about such a thing--particularly when they didn't know me well.

    In my family there is a history of difficult deliveries.  So, would I have been inclined toward a home birth even without my medical complications?  Probably not.  Would I have run to a scheduled c-section for the "convenience" of knowing the date, time, and method of delivery?  Absolutely not.  I have simply found myself in a place in which what needs to be done has drawn an alarming number of reactions--and most not positive.

    I'm thrilled for those that are able to have their children at home, and I'm equally glad that other options are available to those of us who quite literally might not survive that experience!  Sometimes the Lord's mercies are evident in the most high-tech situations in our modern world, and sometimes in the most homespun.  I'm thankful for both. 

Friday, 06 November 2009

  • Currently
    Deliver This!: Make the Childbirth Choice That's Right for You . . . No Matter What Everyone Else Thinks
    By Marisa Cohen
    see related

    Deliver This!

    When I was pregnant with Mercy, I struggled with how to proceed in planning her delivery.  We live in a community in which home-birth is a big deal.  However, I knew that given some conditions that I struggle with, that would be a bad idea.  In fact, one of them (which is of a nature you simply don't blog about) can interfere with childbirth so heavily that many doctors who are familiar with it won't even attempt a natural delivery.  I was conflicted.  A large part of me simply wanted to go straight to the c-section.  I knew how much pain I had been in as a result of this condition in the past and couldn't imagine what delivering a baby would do.  However, I was hearing over and over again how superior a natural delivery was, and it seemed to be some sort of "rite of passage."

    So I chose a local doctor who had a reputation for not intervening until the mother and/or baby were absolutely in danger.  He also hadn't really heard of my medical complication, which isn't terribly unusual.  It is rare, and typically affects post-menopausal women, so if a doctor primarily sees women of child-bearing age he very likely hasn't encountered it.  I figured that this way I would be in a hospital should something go wrong, but even the home-birthers liked this doctor, so I wouldn't get as much pressure to rethink my birth-plan.

    Things went wrong.  I didn't end up with that c-section, but there was intervention.  Mercy suffered some pretty significant head-trauma (which is, in part, the cause of her gross-motor delays) and my recovery was very difficult.  This coming from someone who had undergone 5 surgeries by the age of 22.  My recovery from my "better, more natural" delivery was the hardest of them all.  My frustration level would go through the roof when people would learn I had a frightening and difficult delivery, but comment "well, at least you didn't have a c-section."  As if that would have been worse than the possibility that the delivery had worsened a pre-existing condition and caused potential damage to our baby.

    Toward the end of my pregnancy with Mercy I came across a book entitled "Deliver This!  Make the Childbirth Choice that's Right for You...No Matter what Everyone Else Thinks."  I felt better about my choice to have Mercy in the hospital after reading it, and this time around I have gathered even more confidence.  Gilead is a scheduled c-section.

    Yes, it is medically advised c-section, but I still get raised eyebrows and shocked "why's?"  I suppose I could have just gone with the doctor's advice and not told anyone until the last week of pregnancy, and then simply stated that he was breach.  If that turns out to be true, that would be a great alternative, but if it isn't, I couldn't lie.  But, as he said "very few who have had a delivery that is even close to normal are going to understand why this is necessary."

    I'm not having a baby for the "experience" of delivery--I want the baby at the end, no matter what kind of delivery is necessary.  For me there is no emotional trauma or feeling of inadequacy for having a c-section.  I don't feel like any more of a woman for having pushed Mercy out, nor do I feel like less of one for having Gilead cut out.  I'm sure very few people who push natural delivery so hard would state that they are in it for the experience as much as the baby, either, but is certainly the impression that I've left with after hearing a passionate speech about the wonders of natural birth.

    In the introduction to "Deliver This!" the author, who is a health-writer, states "I have found that no matter what your opinion is on a health issue, somehow, somewhere, there is a published study to back you up (it may have been done on a dozen subjects in a small town in Sweden, but still, it's there and you can quote it.)"  I wanted to shout "Thank you!" when I read that.  I believe we all need to keep it in mind when trying to sway another on a non-salvific or moral issue.

    In the chapter dedicated to medically advised, pre-planned c-sections, a paragraph early on says that "while no one grows up dreaming about giving birth in an operating room, these women want you to know that a cesarean can be just as fulfilling and just as wonderful as a vaginal birth--and in some cases, they believe it can be even better for both mother and baby."  Later in the chapter the author emphasizes that we really don't want to hear "oh, I'm sorry" when you learn that we're headed for c-sections--as if we don't end up with beautiful babies just like everyone else.

    While I know that many, many people have uneventful, and even relatively quick and easy deliveries, it seems that the fall has affected some of us more than others in that department.  And quite frankly, I am incredibly thankful to live in the day and time that I do.  I will always believe that the interventions that are now possible are part of the redeeming of culture that those of us Reformed circles talk about so readily.  Without them neither me, nor my babies, may have survived delivery.  Yes, I'm having a c-section.  Unless Gilead tries to make an earlier appearance, he'll be coming via a surgeon's hands on February 18.  And we are completely at peace with that.  His delivery is just as much in God's hands as it would be if he arrived at home, or via a natural or medicated delivery in the hospital.  That alone makes the whole thing seem much less an issue than we finite beings want to make it!


  • Encouraged by the Little Things

    Thank you for all of the kind responses to the last post.  Mercy now seems to be working on getting her eye teeth in, which means that more than ever my house is cluttered since we've been losing 2-4 hours of sleep a night with her.  Not to mention the high maintenance days those nights lead to on Mercy's parts.

    However, one small thing that does leave me encouraged is the frequency with which Mercy pretends to clean.  If she can't find a sponge she'll use a wipe to clean anything she can.  Then she'll proceed to put things into the washing machine.  It reminds me that she obviously sees these things happening!

Wednesday, 04 November 2009

  • Priorities of a Christian Mother

    I've been thinking a lot lately about Christian motherhood and priorities.  I want so desperately to be a good mother to our children--to train them up in the way they should go and bring them up in faith.  As those of you who are doing it or have done it know, there is never a lack of things to do when one stays home with her children, and I find myself struggling with what should take precedence on any given day.

     

    I always come away feeling rather inadequate when I visit someone's home and it is perfectly tidy.  The carpets are vacuumed, the kitchen freshly mopped, and though there are children in the home, there isn't a stray toy to be found.  Just how is that accomplished?  Before Mercy we had a 650 sq. ft. apartment that was always very, very tidy.  Even after Mercy it was pretty tidy.  Now that she's a toddler, there is always something out of place.  And I crave neatness.  I love it when everything has a place and contentedly lives there.

     

    Then there are the moms who, though technically "stay-at-home," are constantly busy with other projects.  They run home businesses, tutor, teach 20 music students, manage to complete several sewing and knitting projects a week, and the like.  Wow.  I manage a sewing project every couple of weeks, and only at the expense of the housework.

     

    When I end up feeling down because I just can't keep up with those other women, I am so thankful for having been blessed with the husband I have.   He is faithful at reminding me that I am not those women, nor do I need to be.  We have also been disturbed by the number of homes (yes, these are Christian homes) in which the house is pristine and projects are constantly in the making, but the children are plunked in front of the television (whether TV or movies) for much of the day so that mom can see to her apparent priorities.

     

    Lately I am often reminded of a woman I lived with my senior year in college and the one semester of graduate school I completed.  She and her husband are some of the most generous people I have ever met.  The house was a disaster by most people's standards.  You had to dig to find the surface of the table, the counters, the couch, etc.  However, their three children were grown and gone, and they didn't spend a whole lot of time at home.  Marie's life was given in service to others.  She spent one night a week at a friend's home relieving the husband who's wife had had a stroke.  She took people who needed a friend or were having a difficult time to lunch.  Together they were constantly helping someone, somehow.  And simply spending time together walking and the like.  I don't know how many times I heard Marie state that she knew her house was a terrible mess, but she figured that in the long run God wasn't going to care.  Her husband didn't mind the mess and it was important to both of them that they help others when they could.

     

    So, what should my priorities be?  Sure, my home needs to be clean enough to be livable, but I have a husband who doesn't mind a bit of clutter.  If you come into my home at any given time you will more than likely find toys scattered across the floor, vacuuming that needs to be done, and possibly dirty dishes in the sink.  However, if I count the number hours I've logged sitting on the bathroom floor reading and singing to Mercy while she learns where to "take care of business," sitting in the recliner reading Bible stories, seeing to split chins and bruised foreheads, pushing swings, teaching to come the first time Mommy calls, etc. my days are pretty full. 

     

    And in the end I want my children to remember me for teaching them in the ways of scripture rather than having a home that could be shown to potential buyers at any given time.  Our children are vital to the Kingdom.  Very few people see my kitchen sink, but the world will see Mercy and Gilead and any other children we may be blessed with.  And their children and grandchildren.  I need to keep life in perspective.  We have been blessed with remarkable little gifts.  Little people, our covenant children, whom the Lord has entrusted to our care.  It is my responsibility to teach them, train them, discipline them, and love them so that Christ's Kingdom might grow.  If for this season of life that means that there is always a dish or two in the sink or that I'm not going to be perceived as "supermom," for "successfully" having a million irons in the fire, so be it.  My children's hearts are the potential sacrifices.  And those stakes are far too high.

Tuesday, 03 November 2009

  • Our Autumn Girl

    My Mom came up for the weekend, and we all had a lovely time.  We took Mercy to the fall carnival hosted by NSA and trick or treating at the mall.  We didn't stay at the carnival long since Mercy doesn't handle noisy crowds and chaos well, but she did enjoy the mall.  It was much calmer.  I didn't come up with any original costume ideas this year (unlike the hippy-thing last year), so we just put her in her little pumpkin hat and cape.  We still think she was the cutest girl around.

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    Ready to go to the carnival and the mall.

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    "Bucket" quickly became her newest word.

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    Let's go, Daddy!

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    The three of us at the fall carnival.  Mercy wasn't loving it...

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    All dressed up for church on Sunday.

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    It was a beautiful fall morning.

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    With Grandma.

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Pianorose

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    • Name: Amber
    • Country: United States
    • State: Idaho
    • Birthday: 10/22/1983
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 3/24/2006

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